she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
