Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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