You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
