it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
