I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
