You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
