I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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