wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
