Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
