i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
