Who wears a wallet chain?!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
