And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
