I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
