just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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