Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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