HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
