after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
