I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
