RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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