My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
