Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
