At least make sure they are 18
Why
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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