Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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