Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
