im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
