Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
