ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
