hotel room ftw
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
