at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Come see our sink grown plant.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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