Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
