Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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