remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
