Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
