im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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