He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
