Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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