If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
