see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
