P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
