Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
