Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
