If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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