I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
