Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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