Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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