i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
