last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
