I wish I could teleport
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
