sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
