oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
