I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
