he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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