i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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