and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm too high and old for this...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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