the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
