Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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