If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if only i could text you this smell
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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